You need to get laid more….

And other absurd things people think are appropriate to say to singletons.

Firstly a little bit about me….

I’m 24. I have been single for 2 years after being in a very negative relationship for around 2 years prior.

My first year of singledom my ex still came into my life every now and then and had a slight hold over me.

The second year I was completely and utterly single. He never crossed my mind unless I thought something along lines of “god that was an awful relationship, what a waste of two years”.

Considering this week consists of Valentine’s Day, I thought it was time to examine my journey in single life.


Overall I am extremely happy being single.

It is a much better experience than the relationship I was in. I am confident. I am doing my own thing. I have my independence.

The relationship I had been in was completely wrong – I was suffocated by a constant feeling of self-doubt brought on from his own self loathing and insecurities.

That’s not to say a relationship wouldn’t be great also. I would happily enter a relationship when I find a person I have chemistry with and where we both compliment each other’s lifestyles. However in the meantime I am happy to be single. I would rather wait and be cautious than end up stuck in a toxic relationship where I begin lose sight of myself.

So why am I writing this article?

I promise it wasn’t just so I could blather on about the details of my love life.

I wrote it because I do have one bug bear with being single……

It’s other people’s opinions on your choice to be single.

Now I try to do my best, ignore the opinions and judgement. However you’ve got to wonder where some of these opinions come from and why people feel the need to share them with you?


Society’s opinions on single life….

So what are these thoughts/opinions am I talking about?

They typically come from acquaintances or friends in relationships. Sometimes even strangers.

Thankfully I have never had to deal with comments from my family, which I know is not everyone’s situation and can be even more challenging than friends opinions. I am sure my family would love me to meet and really connect with someone, however there is no pressure to do so and they respect my decisions.

A common conversation that includes opinions on your single life might go something along these lines:

Person 1: Why are you single?
Person 2: I just haven’t met the right person yet. However I am quite happy being single for the moment
Person 1: Sure but have you been on any dates?
Person 2: I have been on a few but honestly I am not putting pressure on it, I am happy being single.
Person 1: Have you tried dating apps? Which ones are you on?
Person 2: I used Tinder a little but i don’t think it’s for me.
Person 1: Have you tried Bumble or ? <Insert long story about how someone they know met on this site and are now married>
Person 2: That’s nice. I have heard of the apps. It’s just not something I’m interested in right now.
Person 1: Oh ok…..maybe you could just use Tinder to get laid more in the meantime
Person 2: It’s not really what I am looking for but thanks.
Person 1: Well you are certainly not going to be in a relationship with that attitude.

I assume and hope these opinions come from a place of caring and love towards you.

However I just don’t understand how I can be looking someone deep in the eye and tell them I am happy being single and they simply can’t accept it.

We have the same conversation every time we meet, it’s like Groundhog Day.


Where do these opinions come from?

I think they come from a view of society that we have been sold to us for many years by the TV companies, film agencies and card companies.

It’s very easy to buy into it these opinions when it is being blasted at you from every direction. We are told to be in relationships. We are told you are validated if you are in a relationship.

Take two situations, someone asks me what I did at the weekend:

If I say “I just chilled watching Netflix on my own” – I will likely get a confused look as if to say didn’t you have anything better to do?
If I say “I just chilled with my boyfriend watching Netflix all weekend” – I will likely get a smile and response like “that sounds nice”.

They are the exact same activity, just with one additional person.

However the second option is seems to be more accepted. Being with someone is a way of being validated in society. It suggests you are normal, it suggests that people want to be with you.


Those with the opinions on your single life think you need to be with someone.

I believe these individuals haven’t challenged society’s expectations — They haven’t truly tried spending time alone. They hop from average to average relationship or dates aiming to feel validated by society. If they are not co-dependant on a relationship, it is more than likely they are co-dependant on a friend and so they never truly understand what it is like to be alone.

So where does the title come from?

The title of article is “you need to get laid more” because it is based on something a friend said to me after a long conversation about why I am single.

I explained that I just didn’t want to feel insecure, unhappy and end up doubting myself again. I was waiting for something that felt right. After spilling my heart out – she said “well you could at least go on some tinder dates and get laid more while your waiting.” Now some may think that was a joke but she was deadly serious.

Hookups are all fair and well every once in a while but it’s not a lifestyle most adults want to lead. You don’t tend to feel special or secure after continuous hookups.

I no longer wanted to be in a negative or insecure place because of someone in my life. However for her being with someone….anyone brought her the happiness and validation she needed. Now the question is whether how much of the pressures of society impacted this decision?

Why being single is perfectly fine?


I believe that to know ones self, is to spend time alone and once you do you will find yourself.

Yes it can be scary, lonely and frustrating at times but it will help you understand you. You will find your interests/passions, what you will and won’t compromise on, where you want to be and who your friends are. You will learn to live your life and love it.

Once you build this foundation, you can look for a partner who can compliment this. Once you love yourself, you can then love someone else.

Even in a relationship you should strive to truly spend some time alone to reconnect with yourself , your goals and make sure you are not losing site of yourself. We need to be our own person to be successful in life.

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