Thoughts on Life
by Jack O. Lantern
Early October: Ahh. So warm. What a perfect day! This must be paradise.
October 15th: What’s that awful noise? It keeps waking me up! What are those small things running everywhere? They must be those bears I heard about. Where’s their fur? Maybe they’re skin bears... They’re…colorful.
Why are they so loud?! Hey — look out! You almost stepped on me!
October 20th: [sniffles] Ohhhh. I miss Esther. Why, oh why did they have to take her away? Frank’s gone too, and Sue… The nights are so cold now, and the tractor never stops… All that screaming and woooo sounds, over what? And what is with those pointy things on their heads?
October 21st: Something smells awful… Bob…? Rita…? Hey guys, why are you wheezing like that? What’s that? Oh no… A skin bear’s foot? In your face? [edges away]
October 24th: Why do those crows keep circling? Stop eyeballin’ me you winged rats!
October 25th: Not that tramping again. Isn’t there some other farm with some other orange gourds in it? Uhhh. Wait! Stop! You don’t want meeeee…!
October 26th: This place isn’t so bad. What’s that black, fuzzy thing with the the point ears? What are you looking at? Wait! What the… Oh, c’mon!
That’s just nasty. Now I’m all wet.
October 28th: Nice house. It’s warm in here. Really warm. Aww. Those little skin bears are actually kind of cute up close… What’s that big, shiny thing? Why are you all gathering around? I don’t like this… Ow… OW! What did I ever do to deserve this? I’ve been trying to cut back… Are you even qualified?! Stop! STOP! [the remainder of this excerpt has been removed for extreme language and violence]
October 29th: [shivering] It’s f-f-freeezing. Why is everyone pointing, and laughing at me? I feel so naked…
October 31st: WHY ARE THERE MONSTERS EVERYWHERE?! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
November 1st: At least the monsters are gone. Something stinks…
I think it might be me.
November 8th: No! Stop! Go away! Isn’t there something else you can…. [sigh] …piss on. Stupid furball.
November 12th: Take out my guts, leave me out to freeze, and try to scare me to death. Now the skin bears don’t even notice me anymore. They’re always piling into that rectangular-shaped tractor and leaving for hours on end.
I see how it is. [sigh] I feel so used.
November 15th: Can’t feel my face… My right eye won’t open. Who-o’s that? Oh no. No, no. I didn’t mean it. I’ll be better, I promise. Don’t take me over there. I’ve seen what happens to that can… Nooooooo! [thunk]
November 16th: It’s not so bad in the dark. Maybe I’ll just take a nap…
Hey. Who are you? Can you stop poking those things into my back? Wait… They did what to you? Didn’t even finish the job? Oh man, good thing I’m getting out. Murderers…
November 17th: Uh oh. I know that rumbling sound. Look, I’ve changed my mind. I take it all back. I’m not even mad anymore! Put me back in the field, and let the crows have at me. Seriously. You don’t have to do th — —
“Not another one! This truck reeks of rotten pumpkins.”
I’m coming Esther!