Photo by Eugene Zhang on Unsplash

The Importance of Mystery In Dating

A scene in BoJack Horseman that taught me the role mystery plays in attraction

WARNING: Spoilers for BoJack Horseman Season 3

There’s a scene in Bojack Horseman where Bojack Horseman is having sex with his book publicist, Ana.

He doesn’t know much about her, not even where she lives — but they’re having sex, and BoJack wants to get to know her.

Ana informs him that he doesn’t want to get know her. She makes a point that their complicated relationship works best if they keep a little distance.

Being the curious character he is, BoJack stalks Ana.

He follows her home and watches her.

What he finds is much to his dismay as he discovers that she is utterly and unabashedly — normal.

He watches her cook food, eat it and she even spills pasta on her shirt and has to clean it up.

BoJack, whose image of Ana was previously of a sexy, dominant seductress is disappointed.

He realises she was right. He didn’t want to know her.


This scene eerily hit a little too close to home.

Maybe BoJack is especially mentally unhealthy and maybe my own struggle with relationships mirrors his a little too well, but I think there’s some truth behind this scene.

There’s a certain attractiveness to the mysterious image of someone when we first meet them. Perhaps it’s the hopeful projection of our ideal partner onto them.

The mystery when we first start dating someone is exciting. Getting to know someone is exciting. The uncertainty and curiosity I face are undoubtedly some of the most thrilling feelings I’ve experienced.

But every time without fail, once I get to know someone, the flame dies out.

Sometimes, I’m left with a relationship built on a solid foundation. More often than not, the relationship dies out with it.

I’m forced to confront the reality that getting to know someone slowly blows out the flame.

What surprised me about this scene was the insight it gave me into the role mystery played in dating.

I hope it taught you something too.


If you enjoyed this story, follow me for more. I love to analyse and write about whatever jazzes up my curiosity.

I’m currently focused on storytelling and writing about my personal experiences in order to better understand myself — and hopefully bring a little authenticity to the world.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.