I want to rinse you out as leper’s skin, to rip out this infection
That spread inside me with such subtlety, so delicately, that I thought
I was being nurtured. It felt like a cuddle on a weary being,
Searching for easy opportunities to receive love.
And you were, oh, so easy.
I’ve carried you long enough, like an unware host of a deadly virus,
Talking as if I had been resurrected by your brief presence.
Narrating the color of your eyes as if one was never really full before
Witnessing how the green intertwines with the blue.
How one must submerge, blindfolded,
To be baptized by the waters of your iris.
I’ve preached you to every single being that I knew. I loved you selflessly
Because I believed you were a marvelous thing I could not love alone.
But now I want you to leave, kindly, as a decent disease would.
I’ve taken my pills, one by one. I stood in line for my treatments,
I convulsed your name out with the demons I’ve exorcized.
You have lingered through pages of my life for years, as an ink stain.
Now, I require the cleanliness you have never given me.
I want to walk peacefully and not jumping from freckle to freckle.
You became a shallow puddle I can bathe on but would crack my skull
In the first attempt to dive.
Leave. I am exhausted of being on a leash in the hands of
An absent owner. I am tired of being owned.
Each time I’m sure I’ve mended together the pieces, I relapse.
Cover myself with remembrances to run away from the fever you cause,
Like using poison as painkiller.
This is the role you play.
I want to brush you out. To purge you from my system.
To banish you from the tip of my tongue.
I want you to burn away during an ECT, never mind if I scream.
And if I’m the incurable host, then let me succumb. Don’t bring me
Back again to the mandatory rite of loving you.
Put down the patient zero.
This is how we cure a disease so persistent.