Letting Go

You were everything and nothing I’ve ever wanted:

Witty, impulsive, adventurous, very airy, lovable, non-committal

You had kind eyes, a warm aura and a sense of humor that resembled mine

But your heart spoke a different language

Yours remained solitary and spoke in “I”, where mine gave way for the future

That strongly beat to the prospect of marriage one day and talked in “we”

While yours remained locked in the present moment, holding on to a form of freedom that wasn’t real

My heart may have seemed tough on the surface, but it’s as fragile as can be

After all, you were my kryptonite.

You knew it too.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do haunted by the ghost of you

The only thing I can try is letting go of the fantasy

Of the 3.0 version of you

The committal, financially stable, less impulsive you

Who doesn’t fill voids on a whim

And lives up to his word of not being “that guy”

Who values freedom just as much as stability

And see’s the value behind marriage

Who understands how relationship equality isn’t a financial transaction

But rather measured through commitment, gestures and giving it your all

It’s unconditional and not a case of “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours”

It’s okay though

You can’t control who you are, you can only control who you let in your life.

You shone a light on how I need to put myself first

And embrace my free spirited side that lay dormant for so long

Thanks to you, I learned one important lesson:

Security isn’t real

I sought it out in you because I haven’t found it in myself yet (on a personal level)

Which is why I’m taking risks and learning to fly

To discover who I am

Beyond the grounded, neurotic and quirky girl you fell in love with

I’m finally embracing my fears and turning my vision into a reality

I can only hope you’re doing the same

Thank you for setting me free.

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