Late night confession
I couldn’t admit it to myself — I’m afraid of love.
Not the type of love in romcoms or in the honeymoon phase — I’m afraid of the love that lasts, the love that can get messy sometimes and make you question whether staying in the relationship is the best idea.
It makes you wonder if you deserve to be loved in such a way.
I guess I’ve walled myself up to people. But these walls that I’ve built to protect myself keep other people out.
I haven’t had a relationship where I felt like I could lay bare my soul and connect on that level. Not since the first one, at least. And then I thought that experience was too painful for me to expect much from love anymore.
I don’t know what romantic love is.
It seems all too foreign to me.
Maybe one day, I’ll learn.