I never thought you`d do it, but you did
A rush of thoughts…
Don`t assume anything, ever. I always considered this to be accurate. But, there I was, assuming you would not do it. I could have asked you that clichéd question: “you would not do this, right?”. But why would I? You`d have laughed in my face and avoid answering. I think I knew deep down, you were going to do it. I could have saved myself the pain.
Pain, yes. Sometimes much needed when things are going way too good for you. Nobody says it, but every now and then we pick a fight in order to provoke it. Masochistic as it may seem, sometimes you enjoy it. But I did not wish for it then.
“Ah, he would not do it”, I played it over and over in my head at the first thought that he actually could and might do it. Call it lazy self-assurance or complete blindness. Ignorance is bliss until the bliss turns into torture.
February, the month of our discontent. The weekend before my Shakespeare exam and the day before your Italy departure. Oh, the irony! Not a Romeo and Juliet story. Just Juliet dying and Romeo going on with his life.
The words that broke me: “I just don`t know”. Uncertainty is worse than knowing a harsh truth. You linger on to a fantasy. Suddenly, the blankets felt warmer than ever, a sense of heat ran through my entire body. I can still feel the tears streaming down my face. I can taste that salty, painful reminder that I was going to suffer.
So how did I miss it? The signs were there long before. I guess I got caught up in the moment…
I never thought you`d do it, but you did.