Photo by Leio McLaren on Unsplash

i keep finding more words for Love

when i listen
to Dashboard Confessional
like i used to do
when their album dropped
in 2001
you know
was a pivotal year
for a lot of us

i go back
to my little pink 
porch bedroom 
lined with roman blinds
the kind that are banned now
because they strangled so many children

i listen and go back
to the yellow glow of my cheap
paper ikea lights hanging
over our bodies that smashed together
i mean, really smashed together
hard, like it was between us, and 
like everything was at eighteen

and i don’t believe i am getting any better

the last time i saw you alive
i was smoking a cigarette 
in front of Norm’s Diner and
you pulled up in front of me 
in a black convertible, top down 
shades and hat on backwards like
you’re a short
fucking potbellied
James Dean
you always were 
way too sexy to even believe

we locked eyes
and my heart 
wondered what fresh hell
you’d unleash now
but you threw that car 
in reverse so fast
i wouldn’t have known it was you
if you hadn’t looked back

the last time i felt 
your name on my lips 
i was standing on your grave
giving you more poems
giving you more words of mine
that you never deserved, Love,
but the things you made of me
the pieces of you that you put inside me
are the ones that cut like diamonds and
the ones that shine in the dark and
the ones that feel like power
like i could do anything now 
now that i survived your sort of love

you went down fighting
like i always knew you would
but you didn’t take me with you
i kept you with me instead
you’re still with me, Love
we are always going to be in that
glowing pink bedroom 
the only things we could ever be together
fucking animals
and that’s fine with me, Love
that was more than enough