Dear People, The Opposite Sex Likes People Who Shower

Photo by Matthew Kane on Unsplash

You know what year this is, do you? Are you aware how busy people are? Ever heard of dating apps (location based, likes, hate, on your taste in music), Netflix (also Amazon Prime and other new entrants to make life harder), every fucking moron delivering food at the doorstep, oh-yes-porn and umpteenth things that keep people indoors? Get this. People are no more going out. Gone are the days when you could bump into someone, say hi and start a conversation that could end with you-know-what-you-are-looking-for. Despite all of this, sometimes, you somehow stumble upon the old world gold — a date. You don’t want to a screw-up on this. Do you? You might not. But the world isn’t fair and sometimes, that is occasionally, people screw up.

Let me tell you about a friend who did just that.

This happened, if I remember it right, around a year back (or was it more?). I remember him calling me that night explaining things. His partner who he had met for a brief time during a trip in Delhi, a city best known for people with over-the-top tantrums. He had sent me pictures, and boy, his partner was beautiful; I won’t mind running to an airport just to say a hi like he did. So he got a last-minute call about his partner’s plans. They had last spent time together in Delhi during their studies and it’s been quite a few months and endless WhatsApp conversations. I don’t know about his partner but he seemed to be craving to meet and not let this opportunity slip away. But there was no time to groom up. So he put up whatever he could manage and headed to the airport, a journey through Indian traffic that moves like a sloth (or is it snail? Which one moves slowest?). But somehow, he got lucky and ended up before his significant other’s next flight was to take off. There were normal exchange of greetings and then they moved closer to hug each other (the closest one can get to his partner on an Indian airport) but there it was — a stench, his body all in sweat, no deodorant, nothing but body odor thanks to awful lot of sweating in Indian summer (oh yeah! That’s some special summer). The hug was cancelled. Our guy got confused knowing nothing. He had travelled all the while braving traffic for just that embrace but, there wouldn’t be any of that now. His thoughts were racing making sense of what had just happened. Before any sense could prevail, there was flight announcement and they bid their good-byes. While heading back, he received the damn texts. There were complaints about his sweat, how he was dressed, body odour and probable breakup. No, the breakup wasn’t sudden. As messages said, this wasn’t the first time. My friend had appeared with his infamous odour few other times as well.

They broke up after a while. And one fine day, I got to know of it all. That was someday.

Alright. Hold yourself. Let’s move on.

We don’t want that to happen to us. His SO braved it all thanks to their old dates and long chats but the first date doesn’t work that way. It’s a hit or miss situation. Nobody likes giving second chances.

Imagine yourself, all perfectly groomed, hairs, nails, dress, shoes, moisturizer, perfume and then your date coming with that odour, shabby hairs, nails with god-knows-what-that-thing-is-under-them. You don’t want to hug them, you don’t even want to stand right there. Sometimes the good in us makes us stand there, it says, just this time, let this hour pass, let this coffee finish and I will make some excuse and bid good-bye, but then comes the move and that time when you finally say “enough” to yourself.

So People, Shower.

Clean yourself up. Visit your hairdresser. If you are too feared of hair cut at last moment, at least get those neck hairs out (oh, nobody likes them), clip your nails.

Take Cold Shower, Avoid Hot.

Your body is a universe in its own right with its own rules. It doesn’t care if you are going on a date or for that important interview. It does what it does. Screws you if you don’t take care. A Hot shower will raise your body temperature and make you sweat once you are out of it. And will ruin your pretty clothes. You don’t want that. So opt for cold showers.

No matter how strong the deodorant, they die at wrong times. You try to be smooth, put your arm around your SO and there they cringe at that smell. Finish. You’re done for the day. Pack up, says their mind. You don’t want that either. So shower and smell nice.

That is if you have a date, what if you don’t? Simple. Ask someone. You did and got rejected? Boy, this is life. One rejection doesn’t mean the end of the road. Get over it. Not everyone likes everyone. People have their preferences, choices as much as you do. Respect them. And once you get back your mojo, ask again. Like Bill Murray tells his brother,

“This is your life, this is not a dress-rehearsal”

Remember, it’s just one life. You don’t get second chances at it. Everything has its own time and age. Go out there and enjoy till it lasts!

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