Dear Great Granny: Forgive Me, Please?

A verse of apology and tribute. Life is precious, death is final.

My Great Grandmother (Ivy Ayling) holding me as a baby.

You are nought but a memory now, I have left this note too late. 
You sat serene and pallid in your house, a shadow of life long-past 
And yet I was blind to your decline, and for this I am sore sorry.

You were like a landmark, always there, never changing,
And I never really saw that the day was soon coming 
When I would be forever deprived of you, and you of me.

I always loathed to visit, to touch your papery skin;
Like the veined love-leaves of your namesake, the ivy vine. 
To me, in my youth and vigour, you were already dead.

I was revolted by your frailty, by your quavering voice;
Like a whisper from the grave, cracked with age and knowledge. 
I was an ungrateful fool, utterly unworthy of your regard.

You were the first to ever believe in me, I still remember that. 
You told me I could do anything, that I could fulfil my dreams. 
You said that you’d see me on television one day and you’d be proud.

Your memory haunts me now, and I wonder: would you be proud? 
You never saw me on television, but now you could have. 
You spoke truth into my life, but I fed you nothing but lies.

I mocked you inwardly, I disregarded you whenever possible. 
When you took sick, I was glad nobody asked me to visit you in hospital. 
Then you departed, and I realised I had never even said thank you.

I was silent at your funeral, even when asked if I would speak. 
I was consumed by guilt, I wanted to erase you from my memory forever. 
But you are like a flower that’s scent still lingers once plucked.

I can scarcely recollect your face now, but I feel your presence still, 
And so, after all these years of silence, I make my confession to your bones. Dearest Great Granny, I am so sorry: I love you, and I will make you proud.

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