Breakup advice for when you’re still in love with your ex

When a relationship ends, it’s easy to decide that you have to be sad and that something is wrong with you. But there is nothing wrong with you. What if we were to determine that an end of a relationship should be something that you can also celebrate?

Scenario #1 When both partners is still in love

When you close a door to one experiences, you open to many more experiences in your life. Did you decide that person was ‘the one,’ and hence cannot move on? What happens if you choose closing this door means open the door to many more experiences? And if you still feel close to your ex, you might be able to inspire him/her by having a different type of relationship where you can share stories and new experiences. These are things that you might be able to discuss on:

  1. Do you both need time apart?
  2. How much communication does each side want? It is an overlap of what works for both parties?
  3. When a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean communication needs to stop. Is it possible to have a different configuration of relationship?

Scenario #2 One partner is still in love

Advice #1 Reflect — — What do you still miss of your ex?

Do you still miss your ex? What do you miss about him or her? There are multiple reasons why people could be still not over their ex. One reason is that you see that your partner represents something that you feel that you don’t have on you or in your life. What traits and characteristics do you miss from your ex? Do you see that quality in yourself also?

You could be missing your ex because you see that he/she represent a character that you don’t see in yourselves. Those traits and characteristics have both positive side and negative side. You are not over your ex because you still attached the positive side of those traits and, hence, cannot let go of the person. But do you also love those negative side of that trait? You don’t, do you? You can tell me that you loved that person entirely if you were able to accept the downside of that trait. But because it’s not easy to fully accept another human being and embraces things that you don’t like, that’s often the reason there is a breakup. This would be something I want you to try if you were to be grateful for the negative side of that trait in your ex for what it brought up in you. You will start to begin to see that trait and that characteristics are LIVE in you also. You will also see when you forgive another; you forgive yourself. That is why breakup can help to deepen self-love.

Advice #2 Express the grief

If you actually loved that person, and yet you still cannot move on, because you cannot accept the decision. It’s time to allow yourself to fully feel and express the grief and sadness in you. Those emotions are often coming from past experiences also and probably has multiple layers to it. If you start to let go of that feeling of rejection and loneliness, you will begin to see how it reminds you of the same feelings of loneliness you might have had in earlier stages of your life. Perception is what isolates us from being able to stay connected with ourselves and others.

Advice #3 Try new things

When was the last time you were single? Did you enjoy it? Would you be willing to let go of the perception that you “must” be in a relationship? Can you decide here and now that you can be happy being single?

When you let go of the emotions and the need to control , you will find that you have love in you stronger than ever, because you will realize that you have infinite ability to love. You would realize that nothing has been lost for your ex never belonged to you. Practicing mindfulness and journaling are both great ways to start letting go of the emotions.

Start by finding things that you have put off while you were in relationships:

  1. Did you stop exercising while you were in relationships?
  2. What hobbies can you take up, now that you are single?
  3. What work and business opportunities did you turn down because of your relationship?
  4. What other new experiences do you want to add to your life now?

Have you ever felt blocked off from finding the relationship of your dreams?

Like there’s something standing in your way and you just can’t put your finger on it?

This quiz will help you discover what it is that’s holding you back. Click here to take the quiz:

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